the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
