Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
