You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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