So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
