then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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