I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
