You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
