You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.