Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?