I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
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last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.