You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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