3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea