We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen