Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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