please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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