I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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