tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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