Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
