the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
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Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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