I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
