How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
