Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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