bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
