Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize