if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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