i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
