I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
