I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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