ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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