At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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