I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
