Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
