i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
