i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
