do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
