i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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