Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
