Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
