I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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