i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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