and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We're too hungover to prance.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
