And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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