Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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