can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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