I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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