i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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