I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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