Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
