i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
