Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
