Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
