Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
