Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
