Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
