I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm too high and old for this...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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