return my video game
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
