Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
