so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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