i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
