So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We need a shit load of segways right now
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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