I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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