So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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