Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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