I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
