sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
