Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
