I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
