is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
