Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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