you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
