She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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