after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
