My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
