apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize